🎶 “Dashin’…

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“…through the snow, in a 1-horse open sleigh!” 🎶

Now, you might be wondering why I started this post with a holiday jingle. Well, it’s not because life has been such a gift lately, and it’s not because the weather in some parts of the world might be a little 🥶🥶. No, the reason I’ve got this particular jingle in my head has less to do with holiday cheer than it does with my new employer. And no, I didn’t just get a seasonal job at the mall (Remember those! 🥹🥹). No, my new boss is the same as my old boss. Or, more specifically, my old boss’s COMPETITION!

No competition here, tho. Get it, Chad Kroeger!

For the last seven months or so, you guys have been subjected to my non-stop complaining about my now-former job as a GrubHub driver. Since December, the GrubHub app has been absolutely unusable and the MF-ers have done absolutely nothing to rectify the issue. I kept getting the runaround about how they were gonna “Elevate the issue to the Development Team and they’ll get back to you.” Well, of course they never did and my finances suffered tremendously. Imagine losing ONE-FOURTH of your savings because the company you work for doesn’t feel like winning or making any money. Truly, it makes you mad enough to 🔪🔪 someone…or yourself! But don’t worry. I’ve got my faith within me, and it never came close to that level.

Take it all in, Johnny!
Water Court Complex in Thousand Oaks, CA

But that’s all in the past now. Believe it or not, my savior came in the weirdest of places. I’m not sure if I’ve ever mentioned this before, but one of the many, many financial woes I’ve suffered in the last few years has been the fact that Doordash has been denying my application for employment based on some bogus background check. Well, you know what they say, “The millionth time’s the charm.” Yup, I’m officially a DASHER now!

Won’t my mom be so proud of me!

But that’s not even the weirdest part of the equation. Believe it or not, my biggest💰💰-maker isn’t even Doordash. Apparently – – and forgive me for sounding like some Conspiracy Theory nut job – – but apparently, when one app that’s owned by a multi-billion-dollar company senses another app owned by a multi-billion-dollar company, that first app gets a little jealous! Sounds crazy, right? One app getting jealous of another, like some sort of “Another rooster in the henhouse” situation. But I swear, ever since I downloaded the Dasher app, both Uber and Lyft have been showering me with bonuses; in some cases, paying out $10 for a 2-mile trip. And Uber “Shop and Pay?” That 💩💩’s been paying about $2 per item, which is pimp-level money for them! And this weekend I made about $35/hour doing nothing but rides up in Babs (Santa Barbara County). So I guess, by default, Doordash is making me some🫰🫰 by pushing the other two apps into action. Good 2 be ME, right?

So yeah, thangs are looking up. Alright, that’s all I got for you for now, dear readers. Until next time…Love, Peace and 👡👡👡!

Johnny

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